Written by an 8th grader
WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS AMAZINGI’m blown away, wow.
I literally just got cold chills.
so my friend and i were home alone and naturally we ordered a pizza
we had a simple request
so when the doorbell rang we were super excited but our delivery person was this really confused old guy
he was like, “i’m sorry, but i don’t know what the heck a TARDIS is, so i drew the closest thing i could think of”
he drew us a tortoise
god bless this man
i gave him a twenty and told him to keep the change
i dont need a boyfriend i need 12 million dollars and a donut
12 million dollars can be used to obtain many donuts.
money can be exchanged for goods and services
if youre a mosquito unfollow me right now
If you think your mom overreacts just remember once my mom cancelled our trip to New York because I refused to eat the meatloaf she made
my mom accused me of selling my birth certificate and social security to the black market when she couldn’t find them
wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said
"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"
then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming
100000000 points to mom.
i always end up thinking about the economic damage in superhero movies
make a movie.
the movie would be set entirely in the office of one over-worked insurance agent answering phone calls and in the window behind him we see various Super Heroes destroying things
Cast Amy Poehler
♫ it’s going down, i’m yelling Simba ♫
IT’S BEEN 20 YEARS
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS BEEN 20 YEARS
oh my god