letmeexplainmyself:

chasingdreamsasiscream:

eleven49pm:

psychiatral:

Written by an 8th grader

WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS AMAZING

I’m blown away, wow.

I literally just got cold chills.

posted 3 days ago with 338,728 notes
via:dreaming-an-impossible-dream source:psychiatral

shipsnotdrugs:

so my friend and i were home alone and naturally we ordered a pizza

we had a simple request

image

so when the doorbell rang we were super excited but our delivery person was this really confused old guy

he was like, “i’m sorry, but i don’t know what the heck a TARDIS is, so i drew the closest thing i could think of”

image

he drew us a tortoise

god bless this man

i gave him a twenty and told him to keep the change

posted 3 days ago with 79,932 notes
via:dreaming-an-impossible-dream source:shipsnotdrugs

retroactiveeurydices:

oxheadandhorsefacearedead:

retroactiveeurydices:

koalatea:

i dont need a boyfriend i need 12 million dollars and a donut 

12 million dollars can be used to obtain many donuts.

explain how

money can be exchanged for goods and services

posted 3 days ago with 940,389 notes
via:hmmmhowaboutno source:koalatea

radioheade:

if youre a mosquito unfollow me right now

(Source: radioheade-moved)

posted 3 days ago with 226,168 notes
via:hmmmhowaboutno source:radioheade-moved

unfollowlng:

seenaill:

unfollowlng:

If you think your mom overreacts just remember once my mom cancelled our trip to New York because I refused to eat the meatloaf she made

my mom accused me of selling my birth certificate and social security to the black market when she couldn’t find them

you win

posted 3 days ago with 119,203 notes
via:hmmmhowaboutno source:unfollowlng
"I think it’s weird that teenage girls know more about giving blowjobs than they do about masturbation. It makes me sick to my stomach that so many young girls think sex is just about a guy finishing."

Elizabeth Olsen 

 

(via budddha)

(Source: ine-vest)

posted 3 days ago with 94,323 notes
via:keepcalmandwatchcastle source:ine-vest

girly-fanatic:

reichenbackdatassup:

wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said

"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"

then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming

100000000 points to mom.

(Source: spockdarlin)

posted 3 days ago with 292,711 notes
via:hmmmhowaboutno source:spockdarlin

sassypotter:

allabitofablur:

ellanarosetw:

theladymonsters:

superbmarksman:

i always end up thinking about the economic damage in superhero movies

make a movie.

the movie would be set entirely in the office of one over-worked insurance agent answering phone calls and in the window behind him we see various Super Heroes destroying things

Cast Amy Poehler

posted 3 days ago with 331,411 notes
via:hmmmhowaboutno source:superbmarksman

d-o-r-ia-n:

zannablack:

superlockedinthephandom:

sarajust:

taggedbooty:

offlcer:

♫ it’s going down, i’m yelling Simba ♫

image

TOO SOON

IT’S BEEN 20 YEARS

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS BEEN 20 YEARS

image

oh my god

FUCK

posted 3 days ago with 686,817 notes
via:letssolveacrimetogether source:offlcer

my meals in the summer

breakfast: 3pm
dinner: 11pm
more food: 1am
midnight snack: 4am